Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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