what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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