Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
