I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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