Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize