My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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