Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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