Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize