i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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