did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
