I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
