You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
