Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
