Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
