I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
