After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
