I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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