Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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