ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
