So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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