I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
