it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
