fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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