That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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