I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize