I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
