Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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