You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
