$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
as a side note pls kill me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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