there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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