Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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