I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
