I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
