Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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