well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
