so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
