Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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