the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
