And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
operation have a gay friend backfired
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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