I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
