I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize