He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
