You're so nebulous sometimes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
