I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have post one night stand depression
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
