Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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