we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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