Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
