You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
