I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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