$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
