What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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