Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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