I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
