it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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