I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
