Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
