i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
