I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
