By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
