I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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