We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
