I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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