I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
