We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
