you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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